Friday, April 19, 2013

Incomplete Psych (Clue Homage): Mr. and Mrs. Body


Introduction- when a show does something better than you had imagined you know you are on the right path. I had thought about a Clue homage for sometime with Psych and had been working on a script but I was beaten to the punch.

I thought I would post this incomplete writing anyway. It was fun to write and maybe it'll be fun to read.

I had imagined the butler played by Ryan Cartwright (Bones, Mad Men).

FADE IN...

INT. Dining Hall- Evening

Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, and Juliet sit across from each other at one end of a long dining table while on the other end is a group of people dressed distinctly as weekend actors: Mrs. Peacock, Mrs. White, Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, Mr. Green, and Miss Scarlet.  Shawn is very happy, Gus distracted by his food, Juliette overly suspicious, and Lassiter is angered.

Shawn
I’m so excited I always wanted to attend an murder mystery weekend.

Gus
Shawn it seems like we deal with real murder every week.

Shawn
But these people have costumes and are dressed like the characters.  Look, Mrs. White is wearing white, Professor Plum is wearing purple, Mr. Green is wearing green.  You know that was something I never understood about Reservoir Dogs.

Gus
Those were aliases so they didn’t have to use their real names. And Professor Plum is wearing mauve not purple.

Shawn
Huh.

Lassiter
Just where did you get the tickets to this thing?

Shawn
I won them in a radio contest.  I was the thirteenth caller.

Juliet
Thirteen?

Shawn
Yeah, you know after twelve.

Gus
Even if the costumes aren’t very good the food is delicious.

Gus raises his glass in a toast when the butler (Ryan Cartwright) enters.

Gus
My compliments to the chef.

Butler
I will make sure to pass along your kind words.

Lassiter
It’s not going to be very difficult to figure out who the murderor is when we make up half the people here.

Shawn
Not very difficult?  Then perhaps a gentleman’s wager of say one dollar?

Gus raises an eyebrow.

Lassiter
One dollar?  What kind of wager is that?

Gus
It was good enough for Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places.

Shawn and Gus clink glasses.

Lassiter
Okay then one dollar but we all know the butler did it.

Everyone looks to the butler who look uncomfortable.

Butler
Well, time for dessert.

Gus
I ordered the chocolate pudding.

SHOT- Ext. Mansion Midnight-
A clock begins to chime twelve times.

Int. Shawn and Juliet’s room-
They are both sound asleep.

Int. Lassiter’s room-
He is also sound asleep and clutching his gun.

Int. Gus’s room-
Gus is sound asleep.

Int. Billiard Room
Mr. Green leans against the pool table.

Mr. Green
This weekend is going to be so easy.  Three days and two nights with bed and breakfast it’s the best job yet.  Have our employers decided who dies yet?

Whispered Voice:
You.

Mr. Green is then attacked by someone wielding a rope.

Int. Study- night
Colonel Mustard is reading a book with a snifter of Brandy and cigar by his side.  He is struck from behind with a wrench.  The cigar is extinguished in the Brandy.

Int. Kitchen
Miss Scarlet enters the kitchen where she sees a garbage can overflowing with takeout containers and guffaws at the sight of it.  She lights a cigarette at the end of a long holder in front of a large pantry before she moves to a stool and sits.  The pantry is a cover for a secret door which opens quietly.  Miss Scarlet is hit over the head with a candlestick.

Int. Greenhouse (raining)- night
Mrs. White stands appreciating the flowers when the door opens and she turns on the person entering.

Mrs. White
Have they all been taken care of?

Whispered Voice:
Yes.

Mrs. White is shocked and begins to step back.

Mrs. White
What are you doing with that gun?

Mrs. White is shot.

The interiors of Shawn and Juliett’s, Gus’s, Lassiter’s rooms are all shown in turn where each character still sleeps.

Break

SHOT Ext. Mansion Early Morning
There is the sound of birds.

Int. Long Hallway Early Morning
Lassiter exits his room and goes down the hallway to the restroom.  Shawn steps out of his room and goes to Gus’s room, knocks on door but when there is no response he goes down to the restroom where Lassiter is exiting.  As Lassiter passes Gus’s room Gus opens the door and see Lassiter who indicates Shawn passed him.  Gus spots his polished shoes as Juliett opens her door.  They spot each other and Gus holds up his shoes proudly.  Lassiter returns to his room.  Juliett shuts her door.  Gus shuts his door.  Shawn steps out of the restroom and walks back to his room where he closes the door behind him.

The butler steps into the hallway dressed in a bathrobe and in a panic.  He knocks on each door in succession until he reaches Shawn’s door which opens promptly then the other doors follow so that Gus and Lassiter can peak out.

Shawn
Mr. Pennyworth what is it?

Butler:
Sir, there’s been a murder.

Shawn
Our first clue and the butler is telling me about it so I don’t think he did it.  Lassie you may want to get your wallet ready.

Butler
No sir, this isn’t part of the game.  It’s Miss Scarlet in the kitchen with the candlestick.  She’s really dead.

Int. Kitchen
Miss Scarlet is facedown on the floor as Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, Juliett, and the Butler enter.  Shawn spots the takeout containers in the trash.  He also spots the candlestick.

Lassiter
No one touch a thing.  Juliett go call it in while I take a look around.

Juliett leaves the room.

Shawn
Why the candlestick?

Lassiter
The murderer picked it up on the way here.

Shawn
(to the Butler)
Do you know where this candlestick is from?

Butler
I believe the Study sir.

Shawn
I’m going to check it out.

Lassiter
Not without me, you two come with us.

Int. Study
Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, and the Butler enter the study and approach Colonel Mustard who looks as if he is sleeping.

Butler
Sir, time to wake up.

Lassiter
Come on wake up Colonel.

Shawn sees blood then spots the wrench on a nearby table with more blood on it.

Shawn
Wait, don’t get any closer.  He’s dead.

Lassiter turns on Shawn.

Lassiter
What exactly is going on here?

Shawn
I’m getting a strange feeling about this.

Shawn has a flash of memory from his dream.

Shawn
Does anyone else remember a sound in the middle of the night?  I remember having a dream about setting off a M-80 in the girl’s lavatory.

Gus
Lavatory?

Lassiter
I dreamt I was at the shooting range but I usually have that dream.

Shawn
A gunshot, but so far we haven’t found anyone with a gunshot wound?

Lassiter
Another victim?

There is a scream but they realize it is Shawn’s ringtone for his phone.

Shawn
Sorry about that.  Hello.  It’s Juliett.  We’ll be right there.  There’s been another murder.

Int. Greenhouse
Miss White lays facedown as Juliett stands over her.

Lassiter
This is mass murder.

Gus
Or maybe a serial killer.

Butler
We need to check on the other guests.

SHOT -- Ext. Mansion Late Morning

There are several police cars in front of the mansion as police officers work to secure the perimeter.  Mrs. Peacock and Professor Plum actors stand in their robes.

Ext. Mansion Near Police Cars-
Lassiter stands with a notepad and pen interviewing the Butler as Buzz stands nearby waiting for orders.  Shawn and Gus are in earshot.  Juliett walks up to Lassiter.

Juliett
They just found another body.  It was Mr. Green in the Billiard Room with the rope.  Everyone seems to be accounted for now.

Lassiter
Thanks O’Hara.

Juliett
No problem Lassiter.

Lassiter
(to the Butler)
And what’s your name?

Butler
Edmond T. Harris sir.

Lassiter
What’s your job here?

Edmond
I’m an actor who is playing the butler.

Lassiter
And what exactly were you supposed to do this weekend?

Edmond
Butle sir.

Lassiter
But you’re an actor.

Butler
I am very committed to my role.

Lassiter
What can you tell me about what was supposed to happen?

Butler
I don’t know sir the writer wasn’t supposed to show up until this morning.

Lassiter
Uh huh, now tell me, yes or no was anyone else in the house?

Butler
No.

Lassiter eyes him suspiciously.

Butler
I mean yes.  I mean no, well, maybe.  There could have been.  It is a very large place.

Lassiter
How many people total?

Butler
Counting the six actors, four guests, and myself?

Lassiter
Yes.

Butler
Eleven sir.

Lassiter
(to Buzz)
Six actors, four guests, one butler, well that’s what he says but I don’t know if we can trust him.  Search the rest of the house with caution two to the basement, two to the first floor, two to the second, and two to the attic.